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Wednesday, November 8th, 2006
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4:14 am - No. setentinueve: a suggestion
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read "San Manuel Bueno, Mártir" by Miguel de Unamuno. It's a really good book, and only takes maybe an hour to read. You can find an english translation online really easily. Just google the title. Anyway. I'm feeling very existential at the moment, and part of that thought process began with this book. So yeah. Kind of a lame update after months of nada.
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| Sunday, August 20th, 2006
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5:22 pm - #seventy-3: holy crap it's been a long time since i've updated; i have an idea
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So I got this idea from some programming we did during Sr. High week at Camp Cross this summer. For one of the morning activities we had a discussion about what it's like to be the gender or sex we identify with as well as voicing our perceptions of what it's like to be the other gender or sex.( BTW: I will try to use the terms gender and sex in the most accurate and politically correct ways possible, but if I mess up it is purely an accident) We split the camp into male and female and then had each gender break up into groups of five or six. Each small group then came up with lists of answers to the following six questions. 1) What are the best things about being the gender/sex that you are? 2) What are the worst things about being the gender/sex that you are? 3) What would be the best things about being the opposite gender/sex? 4) What would be the worst things about about being the opposite gender/sex? 5) What is the most confusing thing about being the gender/sex you are? 6) What would be the most confusing thing about being the opposite gender/sex? After this, each small group shared the answers they came up with. It was truly amazing to see all the answers people came up with. Most answers were based in comparing the two genders/sexes instead of saying what is a positive attribute of a gender or sex. For example the males would say that not having to carry a child for nine months is a bonus, but none of them said that fatherhood was one (whereas many females included motherhood as a bonus on their lists, and we had a discussion on why that may have occurred). Anyway, the point was that it really opened up some good discussion and people were able to voice their opinions and experiences in a very safe environment such that I think many people were able to learn something they didn't know before. Of course some answers went along the lines of stereotyping, but that was actually a blessing, because we were then able to address them in a manner that didn't make anybody feel like they were being attacked. For example, as a group we pointed out that a con to being a woman is not that they HAVE to shave their legs and armpits, it is that they are EXPECTED to by society, and so on and so forth. My reason for telling you all of this is that this is a model I think could be adopted for solving so many things. Bringing peace and understanding to the world cannot be done by increasing laws, fighting wars, or getting more converts. While having a mild debate on gun control at lunch time one day, I was told by somebody that, "it's just human nature, you can't change human nature." Well, perhaps not. But you can educate people about their own nature and the nature of others. People often don't know why it is they do the things they do. Or they think that they should do it because everyone else is doing it, even if they're not. TANGENT ALERT: this brings up the concept of pluralistic ignorance as explained to me by Jeff Hayward, Program Director at Camp Cross and graduate of WWU with a degree in psychology. Pluralistic ignorance is a situation in which a group of people are under the assumption that everyone else is one way (whether they are or not) and so they change their behavior to conform. For example, there was a study done in which they interviewed men about what is expected of them in terms of having sex with women, and what they preferred themselves. The majority of men (I think somewhere around 60 and 70%) said that all other men try to get into bed with a woman as soon as possible, but that they were different and liked to wait a little longer before they slept with someone. So, if the majority feel that way, then why do they think they're in the minority? Because they have this false assumption (created by either themselves or society, but probably both) that things are one way, and so, even though they have no substantial evidence, they actually change their behavior to fit this false assumption. I believe this is a huge problem. Think of how many other false assumptions we are carry around and try to conform to. And all it takes to get around this is talking candidly with other people are learning that the world is not always what we believe it to be. To get back to my main point, education in the form of open discussion between people could help so much in creating a understanding between people that could end some much strife and division. I know from my experience as a man that I have a very difficult time understanding my own emotions, and sometimes it take days or weeks to figure out what's really going on. Obviously not all men are like that, but taking the average man and the average women, the man has a much more difficult time connecting with even his own emotions. Then, he is expected to relate or understand a woman's emotions and that's often where things go astray. Now, my point in saying all of this is not to excuse men from having to deal with their emotions or a woman's emotions but that once a person knows that this is what is happening, he can focus on it, and try consciously to figure it out. And a woman understanding this can perhaps lend a hand to the man or at least know that it's not as easy for him to do. Human nature is only static when we don't take the time to really examine it and understand. Nothing will change if we don't know what's going on, but once it is brought to our attention, we can keep what is good, and attempt to change, or at least redirect the aspects of our nature that hurt ourselves and others. Having said all of that, I think I want to do something about it. I think I'm going to start some sort of group or club at Santa Cruz focused on this kind of dialogue. My vision is that it's a club open to anybody who is interested in discussing issues between the genders and sexes and allowing for safe, open discussion about the things we enjoy and dislike, and come to some kind of understanding that can then be taken out and applied to the rest of our lives. Obviously this one issue won't last for a super long time, but I hope that people will bring up other issues where two or maybe three groups seem to always reach an impasse. I also just realized that there is probably already a group that does this kind of stuff, and I just haven't heard about them. I'll do some research before I actually try to put this together. So, if you actually read this far and know of a group at Santa Cruz that already addresses these topics, let me know, so I don't look like a fool, and maybe I could hook up with them somehow. Well, that's my idea, education for understanding to make the world a better place. I know this entry was written worse than a Wikipedia article, but if you read all the way through it, bless you and thanks, and any suggestions are welcome.
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| Saturday, June 17th, 2006
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5:21 pm - Numero setentiuno: Damn Spaniards
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So my mom and I left Santa Cruz at 6:40 in the morning to make sure we got to the Spanish consulate early. We get there at 8 o'clock, the consulate opens at 9. Outside, there were already some people and a sheet of paper to sign up on so they know who got there first. Anyway, I'm number 20 on the list. The visa application lady comes at like 8:30 and informs us that only the first 15 people on the list will be interviewed today. So, the only way we could get in that day was if someone in that list of 15 who lived near-by was willing to give up their spot. And of course, they weren't. So my mom and I are spending the weekend in San Francisco waiting until Monday morning when we get to go back to the consulate at 5 in the morning to make sure we're high on that damn list. And I'm missing 3 days of work. Excellent. Anywho. San Francisco's not the worst city to be stuck in that's for sure.
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| Monday, June 5th, 2006
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3:09 pm - No. 67: Cause Pel responded to mine
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Leave your name and:
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a color that associates with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest/funniest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours.
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| Thursday, May 18th, 2006
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3:55 pm - numero sixty-1: this was kinda weird
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So, my last entry involved being amazed at all the stuff our brain can do without us being conscious of it, and I figured this would be a nice addition to that train of thought. Two night ago I went to bed like I usually do, under the cover of my sheet and quilt with my fleece blanket at the foot of my bed. The next morning, I woke up with the fleece blanket over me and under the sheet. So apparently, at some point in the night, I got cold, grabbed the blanket, got it under the sheet and smoothed it out all without waking up. I supposed I could have woken up a bit, but not enough to remember doing anything. Anyway, the point is, it was rather disconcerting to wake up like that and pretty cool that it happened.
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| Monday, May 15th, 2006
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2:42 pm - number fifty-seven: for those who read "The Sparrow"
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Here's a link to an interview with the resident astrobiologist at the Vatican, BrotherGuy Consolmagno, in Astrobiology Magazine. I put it up because I like some of what he has to say about the relationship between religion and science, and because they mention "The Sparrow," though very briefly. In another interview, this guy (teehee) called the belief in a 6-day creation a form paganism which caused somewhat of a stir in the community of the faithful, and I like it when things get stirred up. Anyway, there's also some stuff in there about the meteorite collection at the Vatican. I suppose those Catholics are still good for something. http://www.astrobio.net/news/article966.html
So, I was walking to biochem this morning, listening to some music. And it struck me just how much happens in our minds at any given moment, just doing something as mundane as walking to class. First, there's all the muscle coordination to get our bodies to walk: moving leg muscles, arm muscles, core muscles to shift our weight depending on the slope of the ground, etc. Then we have match images of the things around us to how they looked last time to make sure we're on the right path; to do this we have to ignore all of the images we know change too much to be reliable (the people we walk by and the weather, or the buses), and focus on the "stationary" objects we pass by. Then, we have to assess how close other people are to us, whether their trajectories will cross ours, whether they realize we are there, perhaps even making brief eye contact and watching for certain body movement to see which direction they're going to change to so we can pick the opposite and avoid contact. Of course, most of this happens completely in the background, and while that part of the brain is keeping out bodies on course, and out of harm's way, another part of our brain is interpreting the smells of buses, cars, people, perfume, trees, bushes, flowers, fertilizer. Another part is enjoying the sounds of the music being fed into our ears by headphones and watching out for any other sounds that might hold important information: the call of a name, or the screech of brakes. And to top it all off, another part of the brain is daydreaming about not going to biochem, but to the beach instead, or about beautiful people, or what the plans for today will be. Anyway, I'm fairly certain I left out a large number of other processes that occur, but even with just this, I feel it's so amazing that this is all coordinated, and constantly refigured in a matter of milli-seconds by our brains, and we really don't pay much attention to it at all. I suppose that's a good thing, cause otherwise we'd think about nothing else. But my point is, sometimes it's awe inspiring to really think about all of it, and the fact that it boils down to ions crossing a membrane.
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| Sunday, May 7th, 2006
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5:17 pm - LIII: Because it can be a form of procrastination
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So, I thought I'd just put up a small post, mostly because I haven't done any homework in in biochem or o-chem this past week, and I know I have a mountain of work ahead of me, so, of course, I'm putting it off further. Anyway, this last week has been ok. The weather is finally gorgeous but I got sick on Thursday, and thought it was just going to be 24-hour thing, but apparently it isn't. So, that gives me even more reason to not want to do homework, cause I'm fricking tired all the time. Well, most of the time, I did manage to play ultimate frisbee on Saturday, which was awesome. But anyway, Pel's here to whisk me away to do some homework outside. Yippee.
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| Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
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11:53 pm - Numero 47: I'm actually still around
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So, that whole bit I wrote about actually updating on a regular basis this time around.....yeah, not so much. But, I'm sitting here at my computer with nobody online that I really want to talk to, and I think I've found all the pictures of Evangeline Lilly that I actually like. What is it with the people who make wallpapers anyway? Even if they actually chose a flattering picture of the person, they add all those really cheesy effects such as putting multiple pictures together, but only one being completely opaque, or typing the person's name in a weird font. Just use a picture that is big enough to fill the desktop without having to change the dimensions for Pete's sake. I know who the person is, that why I downloaded the picture, I don't need her name right next to her. Not to mention, it was probably a professional photographer who took her picture in the first place, it's not necessary for some geek to add his own touches using the techniques he learned in a Photoshop tutorial. Oh well, what would the internet be without that kind of stuff. Oh yeah, I watched Requiem for a Dream today, finally. I've had the soundtrack for awhile now (well, parts of it). The music is wonderful, and the movie was alright too, I suppose. It was very graphic, and powerful, but quite predictable I thought. Just another reason to add to the list of reasons not to use cocaine, heroine, or any other highly addictive, dangerous drug. My classes aren't exactly thrilling me this quarter again. I don't like my professor in o-chem, he never sounds sincere, and it's just a lot of memorization. Biochem is alright, but still more memorization, and I've had Dalbey before, and he's not exactly my favorite professor. My weather class sometimes borders on mind-numbingly-boring, but the professor is pretty cool; I should just be glad I'm getting a T2 for it. Speaking of Evangeline Lilly (see how I made that nice segue), Lost is an amazingly addictive show. Pel, Elliot, and I caught up with the show, and now I don't really know what to do with myself. I've still got Scrubs, but I have to wait a week at a time for that too, and it doesn't have the same overarching story line that just grabs you in. Anyway, that's not news, so I think I'm done for tonight. Perhaps I'll update again soon, perhaps not. I think only Pel and Elliot read this anyway, so I hope you two enjoyed yourselves.
current mood:  mellow
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| Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
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5:45 pm - No. forty-3: 6 degrees from Frodo Baggins
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It seems I can't help it, but every time I ponder a fantasy novel or movie, I make some sort of connection to Lord of the Rings. I'm guessing that's just because I know it so well, and, being as epic as it is, it covers many many different themes. So, I was recently pondering the movie Underworld: Evolution. In the movie we learn that Markus and William are the original vampire and werewolf, respectively. We also learn that their father, Alexander Corvinius, the original immortal, is also alive, and has been helping to keep secret is sons' blood-feud. Because these three are the oldest living immortals, they are also the most powerful. This is what reminded of Lord of the Rings, in which there is much talk about how the ancestors of the peoples of Middle-earth are always described as being more powerful, longer lived, or more cunning in their crafts. Instead of advancing in technology, the free peoples either stay static or actually decline. In Underworld, at least, the technology of the immortals has definitely advanced, but they still propose this idea that the original beings are more powerful than their descendants. Granted, they mention in the first movie that lychens have learned to control when they turn into werewolves, but they have lost the sheer brute strength of their fore fathers. One would think that with a millennium of war between the species, there would have been powerful selection factors for both races to gain in power, speed, or whatever else to help them in their fighting. Anyway, in summary, I think this concept that ancestors are more powerful than their offspring is an interesting notion, and I'm not really sure where it comes from because, we've never observed it in nature or in our own species.
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| Thursday, January 12th, 2006
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4:38 pm - number forty-one: rude awakening
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I think one of the weirdest feelings in the world is being woken up in the middle of a dream. It happened to me this morning. I can't exactly remember what I was dreaming about; I believe I was talking to one person about how this man had invested all of his money into some company and was either making a lot of money or taking over the world or something, who knows. Anyway, I'm in the middle of this dream, and my radio alarm goes off at 7:30. What's weird is that it literally felt like I was being torn out of the dream, and back into the real world. When I was finally awake I had this really weird sensation in my chest, almost like just been really scared. Maybe I had. I suppose that, being in the REM part of my sleep cycle, my brain was not expecting to wake up, so the sudden loud noise of the radio coming on scared me and woke me up fast. The other interesting thing I noticed was that I didn't perceive that I was hearing the alarm go off until I was actually awake. There have been times when I've heard music in a dream that was actually just the music on my radio, but this time, I heard nothing except what was in my dream until I realized that I was awake, and then I heard the radio. Anyway, I just think that is such a weird experience each time it happens. I suppose I should get a more regular sleep cycle going throughout the week so that my body can be ready to wake up at that time instead of it happening in the middle of a dream. Oh well. That's all for now.
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| Saturday, January 7th, 2006
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3:27 pm - #37: because the ladies keep asking
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I'm sure every guy out there has been asked by a woman at least once why it is that men are so fascinated by lesbians. They always say they don't get it because they don't get super horny when they see two guys together. The usual response to this inquiry is, "I dunno, it's just hot." But, after some contemplation, I believe I have figured it out. In my hypothesis, there are two main reasons guys find the idea of two women together so exciting. The first is that when it comes to sex, men are very visual creatures. (I can't give any actual references for this, so you'll just have to take my word for it, or look it up somewhere, but I know that has been established pretty well by people in the psychological community.) Men like to watch sex, they like look at women, they like to look at women having sex. So, seeing two women together is really just a matter of double the pleasure, double the fun. Instead of one sets of breasts, there are two, etc. Women, on the other hand, are much more about feelings and touching when it comes to sex. The pleasure experience for them comes much more from the emotional and the physical feeling aspect of it. I heard of a study done in which the researchers concluded that both men and women responded sexually most to the women on screen (in pornography with a man and woman having sex). The men responded to the woman because they enjoyed looking at her, and the women responded to her because they identified with the feelings she was portraying. Now, the second reason, which is actually more of an evolutionary reason. From an evolutionary standpoint, the biggest priority in our lives to to procreate. Natural selection favors the numerous, and we are driven to make as many copies of ourselves as we can. The catch is, the amount of babies that can be made is completely dependent on the number of females. For example, if 1 man has sex with 8 women at a time, he can have 8 offspring that carry his genes. However, if 1 women has sex with 8 men at a time, there will still only be 1 child she bears at a time that will have her genes. So, men are turned on by the thought of lesbians because the more women, the more chance for procreation. (Never mind that actual lesbians do not present a chance for the men to procreate, it's the visualization of them that turns men on because they just insert themselves into the picture anyway.) However, more men does not equal more offspring for women, so the thought of men together is not a turn on for most women. Anyway, those are my thoughts on the matter, and I feel they are logically sound. Whether they would stand up to experiment, I am not sure, but maybe someone has found out already, and I'm just reinventing the wheel. Anyway, that's what I think, and I'm sticking to it.
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| Friday, December 16th, 2005
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6:54 pm - No. 31: From the Movie, "The Fisher King."
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Did you ever hear the story of the Fisher King?
Begins with the king as a boy having to sleep alone in the forest to prove his courage so he can become king. While he's spending the night alone he's visited by a sacred vision. Out of the fire appears the Holy Grail, symbol of God's divine grace. A voice said to him, "You shall be keeper of the Grail so that it may heal the hearts of men." But the boy was blinded by greater visions of a life filled with power and glory and beauty. And in this state of radical amazement, he felt for a brief moment, not like a boy, but invincible. Like God. So he reached in the fire to take the Grail, and the Grail vanished, leaving him with his hand in the fire to be terribly wounded. Now, as this boy grew older, his wound grew deeper. Until one day, life for him lost its reason. He had no faith in any men, not even himself. He couldn't love or feel loved. He was sick with experience. He began to die. One day, a fool wandered into the castle and found the king alone. And being a fool, he was simple-minded. He didn't see a king. He only saw a man alone and in pain. And he asked the king, "What ails you, friend?" And the king replied, "I'm thirsty and I need some water to cool my throat." So the fool took a cup from beside his bed, filled it with water, and handed it to the king. And as the king began to drink, he realized his wound was healed. He looked and there was the Holy Grail - that which he sought all of his life. He turned to the fool and said, " How could you find that which my brightest and bravest could not?" The fool replied, " I don't know. I only knew that you were thirsty."
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| Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
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10:20 am - Number twenty-nine: a fun little joke for all of my friends majoring in liberal arts
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College Grads:
A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?"
A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
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| Monday, December 5th, 2005
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8:17 pm - 23: the sprint to the end
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So, finals week is upon us. A time for cramming into our brains all of the information we should have soaked up throughout the quarter. This is when procrastination goes from pleasure to pain, and you thank God that your science professors grade on a curve; so really, you don't have to do well, you just have to do better than most of the other people in your class. Perhaps I'll write more on this later, I really don't feel like actively using my brain. That's all for today.
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| Thursday, December 1st, 2005
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7:26 pm - The Nineteenth: think of the other analogy besides the baseball one
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I jumped! I fricking jumped! Right off the 30 footer. Next maybe the 50? (I don't know what that means)
I just read an article in New Scientist about the growth of fundamentalism in the world (mostly Christian and Islamic, but it mentioned Buddhist and Jewish as well). Anyway, it appears that the fundamentalists are taking over the world, and unless there's a strong enlightened movement coming in the near future, fundamentalists will continue to gain power, and, in my opinion, it could be catastrophic. Just think, 1984+Spanish Inquisition: Big Brother= Billy Graham, and anybody not a evangelical Christian converts or dies. I think I may end up moving to Spain or England. Oh well, hopefully it won't turn out that bad.
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| Monday, November 28th, 2005
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2:32 pm - Entry 17: an analogy for everything
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I froze! I fucking froze! There it was, the perfect pitch, the opportune moment. I watched as it flew right over the center of the plate. S'ok, I'm just going to step out of box, calm down, a hit it out of the part tomorrow. I swear.
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| Saturday, November 26th, 2005
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3:37 pm - XIII: when I grow up....
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Ok, so I've decided two things for sure. When I grow up, regardless of social status, I will own two things: a three button pinstripe suit and a kick-ass sound system. Why? you ask. Because I need a cool suit to go with my really nice fedorah, and because music is so much more amazing when it is either live or sounds like it is, which won't happen with my $15 speakers plugged into my laptop. Anyway, just thought I'd share that. Chao.
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| Monday, November 21st, 2005
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12:26 am - No. 11: it's the same thing we've been through before
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I already know what I'm about to write is cliche, but I must reiterate it one more time: why are relationships so fricking difficult? Why is it that we feel so compelled to not hurt someone else that we can't tell them what we really want? Ok, so I have a pretty good idea of the answer to that question, but sometimes I really think it would just be so much easier to be an uncaring prick only looking out for what I want. Of course, then I'd be the kind of person I abhor, but still, it does sound easier. I've obviously figured out what I need to do, but like with anything else that is emotionally difficult, I can't just fricking do it. It's like cliff jumping; it takes forever just to muster the courage to do something I already know I'm going to do. But if I know I'm going to do it, then why can't I just do it right away? What's the difference between now and ten minutes later, or now and three weeks later? Oh well, "time marches on"
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| Sunday, November 20th, 2005
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12:52 am - Numero 7: like a circus
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I just finished the movie Crash. That is the most intense movie I have seen in years. The events that happen in these people's lives are absolutely incredible. I honestly cannot fathom what it must be like to live a life like any one of their's, and each one is completely different. I think at the moment, I'll just chalk up this utter shock to my sheltered upbringing, and be thankful that I can't really relate to any of the characters on a personal level. Maybe that's actually a good thing, but I think I'll post judgement on that until I have more time to think about it and really reflect. I have been told that it can take days for men to really understand the emotions they feel, and I definitely went through a huge range of emotions with that movie. So, I'll let the wheels turn until something clicks. Cheers.
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| Thursday, November 10th, 2005
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4:34 pm - # five: you can't be spontaneous without plans
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So some friends of mine made some plans to go to Mexico this coming three-day weekend, and invited me to come along. We were going to drive down tomorrow, have a good time and come back Saturday. But, one by one, everybody else has backed out. The thing is, though, people usually back out of stuff like this. They love the idea of being spontaneous, or taking an adventure like people do in the movies. It's always so much fun to think about all of the crazy stories we could come back with to tell everyone, but, when it actually comes time to following through, nobody wants to anymore. It's as if they suddenly realise that some amout of effort is going to have to be given if they actually want to do anything. It always seems so easy for the people in the movies or on the tv. You never pay attention to the fact that traveling costs money, or that spending 10 hours in a car in never the same as in a movie. But of course, that never really sinks in until they're faced with actually choosing to go. I understand that traveling takes preparation and effort, and I willing to do all of that. I understand the payoff will probably be worth it. Why don't any of my other friends see that? Anyway, that's my rant for the week.
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